covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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