if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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