It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
