Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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