it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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