don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
