I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
