Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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