1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
