i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
