You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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