Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
