so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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