at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
