and you said cock pushups were impossible
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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