You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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