I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
