and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
