apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
