apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
These tits shall not be calmed
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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