please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
