I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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