Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
