the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
