i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
