I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
