I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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