True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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