and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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