i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
