So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
