Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
