Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
