dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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