An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
