Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
