AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
