I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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