he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
