Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
