definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
