fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
