i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
