Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
