enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
