i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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