I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
