I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
