the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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