I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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